Getting Unstuck

We tend to make resolutions or want to make changes at certain times in our life, wth the new year being one of them.  Why?  We may have things we want to accomplish. We may want to live healthier so we can enjoy more life has to offer.  We may have dreams and desires.  Or we may feel stuck.

When I feel stuck, I feel like I’m on the hamster wheel going round and round and going nowhere different.  Oh here we go…I’m walking the same path again, eating the same food again, I didn’t exercise again, I gossiped again, etc. etc. etc.  But the thought of jumping off the wheel seems scary.  It’s become comfortable, rhythmic, and safe.

I know what stuck feels like because I was once in a relationship that lasted five and a half years, which was about five years longer than it should have lasted.  I’m not going to get into details but I felt really stuck in this relationship. Very long story short, I felt like no one else would ever want me.

Fast forward five years, I was miserable and having a lot of health issues because of the stress.  I was even driving one day and thought it would be so much easier if I just drove off the road and down the embankment I was driving by.  Yep, I had that one fleeting thought.  My family and closest friends basically did an intervention with me because they saw that I was stuck and floundering and unhappy.  I had already been thinking long and hard about my situation and decided I’d rather be alone and happy than stuck and miserable.  So, I broke up with this person.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t a graceful breakup (is anybody really actually good at that?) and ended with hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and false accusations.

But I was free!  I may be the first person in history to gain weight after a break up.  I spent the next year finishing two yoga certifications and travelling around Canada and the U.S. doing so. I met tons of like-minded people. Because I was focusing on trauma sensitive yoga, I got to hear lots of people’s stories that helped me.  I spent lots of time with friends and their kids.  I spent a lot of time outside.  I worked wth health care professionals to get my health issues under control and manageable. I learned, I grew, I laughed, I cried, I accepted myself, and most importantly, I found myself.

When we feel stuck, it’s hard to take that first step to get unstuck.  It’s daunting.  We don’t know what’s going to happen.  People may judge us.  We may even judge ourselves for a time.  My husband, who is dealing with PTSD (we call it PTSI), says he feels like he’s walking through porridge each day.  Some days it feels like it’s up to his ankles and some days up to his waist. He gets it.  He’s trying to get unstuck.  He knows what he needs to do, but taking that first step and then the next step and the next step is scary hard.  But we can do hard things.  (Read “Untamed”, by Glennon Doyle; she’ll tell you).  We can do hard things and it may suck while we are in the midst of it, but we will be stronger and better for having come through it.  Like I said, people may even judge us, but that’s an indication of their issues, shortcomings, prejudices, and opinions.  It has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them.  That’s growth (also called post traumatic growth for those who have PTSI).

Making any change is hard at first.  Think of when you learned to drive a car.  There was so much to think about, watch for, and we may have been scared to get into an accident every moment we were driving.  Now, we listen to podcasts and eat at the same time we are driving and don’t even think about it!

When you want to make change you have to take that first step or a year from now you’ll be going through the exact same thing; still on that hamster wheel.  Sometimes you have take a big leap (like leaving a relationship), but for many of us, the changes we want to make especially this time of year, can be done wth baby steps.  That way the change is less scary, incremental, and allows our brain to adapt to it.

Sometimes to get unstuck we need to ask for help,  Also hard to do.  But there’s no shame in it.  That’s why there are people who do that sort of thing for a living.  It may be a professional, but it may be family, friends, clergy, coworkers or someone that you know has been through a similar situation.  We don’t need to re-invent the (hamster) wheel. You’d be surprised when you start to talk to people and find out what they’ve been through that we aren’t all that dissimilar.  It’s part of growing; this learning to ask for help.  It’s like when your car gets stuck in snow or mud.  You can only do so much on your own but if it’s really stuck then you need cat litter, planks of wood, winches and ropes, or even a tow truck.

That’s one of the reasons that I created my Successful Goal Setting Workshop.  I took my training as a fitness & yoga professional, as a life coach, and my own life experiences to help people take steps to make lasting change.  I’ll hold your hand as you step off the hamster wheel.  I have a participant in my classes who says that I’m in her head all the time guiding her to take better care of herself.  That makes me feel weird but at the same time it makes me feel wonderful to help someone else navigate this crazy world.  It makes my heart swell to help someone else become unstuck.

{NOTE: If you feel stuck in a situation that may be life threatening or harmful, please, please, please seek help.  It’s so effin scary but your life literally depends on it.  Please go to www.dawncanada.net for a list of resources and crisis hotlines for help. If you or someone you love is having suicidal thoughts, please call the suicide hotline at 1-833-456-4566}