Kay Sera Sera

I sit here mid-afternoon on the last day of 2022 pondering what 2023 will offer. This past year was…hmmm…I’m struggling for a word to describe it.

Many of you who have read previous blogs (which I haven’t done for awhile due to writing other things; but I’ll be back this year!) know that I have had to manage my anxiety when dealing with a difficult person or persons in my life. That situation still exists; it’s been better partly because I’m better at managing my reactions. Self-preservation. Let’s say I got much better at that in 2022. Yay me!

I did a lot of reading and continuing education this year and feel much better at handling my emotions. I also feel like I’m a much better teacher, coach, partner and friend because of that. I got my certification in yoga for changing hormones so I feel much better equipped to deal with that beast when it arrives.

I turned 50 this year, which had me celebrating because I’m happy, in great health, and I really like the person I’ve become. I finished my 50th turn around the sun with grace and that felt good.

I also relaunched my little business a year ago hoping to expand my reach by offering both in-person and virtual options including a video subscription service where I worked my butt off to film 200 videos so my participants would have lots of help to get and stay healthier. Let’s just say, the change wasn’t as fully or vastly embraced as I expected it to be. I sat here for much of the year wondering what I was doing wrong; where were the people?

Before I opened my home studio, which is pretty small (let’s call it a boutique style), I had people who weren’t ready to come back to in-person but loved the virtual option and those who were begging me to get back to being face to face. So, I was able to work it so I could offer both options for those classes. Once I opened in the fall, I again had to ask myself, where were the people?

It was a year of mixed emotions.

I know in my heart that my Dharmic path is to help people get and be healthy and well. My focus, in particular, is on women my age and anyone suffering from trauma, anxiety, depression etc. Two different niches but lots of options. So, with that said, and my tenacious nature, I keep going. I keep following that path.

Feedback that I’ve gotten has indicated that women want more strength training. In January, I’ve changed my class focus on building and maintaining strength as well as functional mobility and flexibility. I’m sure you’ve seen my new schedule. I’m excited and dreading what this will bring.

Yep, dreading. What if there are still no people?

Each morning I pull an Oracle card to help guide my intentions and meditations for the day. This morning my card asked me these questions, “Have you lost your trust in the divine?” and “Do you feel like you walk alone on this path?” Huh. I do feel a little lost in the woods right now.

The card also went on to say, “You are a divine being placed on this planet for a specific reason – to follow your Dharma, life path. The path is winding and has many chapters, all of which are important. Acknowledge the chapter you are in and the lessons it is teaching you”. Again, huh.

I was planning on spending time today and tomorrow doing what I usually do this time of year, planning my coming year. But maybe I should hold back a bit. I can still plan my personal stuff and work pretty much takes care of itself. Perhaps I should wait and see what this chapter brings to me and my little business. Maybe the changes I’ve planned already for January will work out. Maybe people will tell me something different. Maybe it’s time to pull back and regroup; change my focus.

I’ve published one book to help people live healthier and am in the editing stages of another to help people grow and heal from trauma. Maybe this is my focus.

I had a lot of private bookings the last few weeks of the year. Maybe that’s my best way to help people.

What this has all made me realize is that I’m not walking alone. I’m not the only one who stumbles sometimes and has to regroup. We all have periods in life where we aren’t sure what we’re doing, and what our next step should be. Feeling this way allows me to understand human nature better. It makes me a better listener. What do you guys want to tell me? What does the Universe have to say to me? Perhaps this chapter is called, “Sit back, be still, and listen”.

I can honestly say to you, it’s okay to not know right now what the future will bring. All we can do is set our priorities and base our decisions right now on those. My priorities are to take care of my health, to nurture my relationships, and to help others live a better life in any way I can. Oh, and to have a little fun along the way because what is life without laughter, silliness, and fun?! I feel okay not doing the planning these next couple of days. I’m just going to sit back and enjoy them with my husband, a book, and a glass of wine.

So, what word would I use then to sum up 2022? Hopeful. It was my year of hope. I started the year with hope. All year long I kept revisiting the hope I had for certain outcomes. I had a plan for 2022 and I had hoped it would work. When I look back on my personal journal entries the word I used the most was “hopeful” (it’s a digital diary so I can search it – very cool). A lot of what I hoped for came to fruition, yet some did not. Hence, the struggle to come up with a word to describe the year. I think we all still feel a little discombobulated from the events of prior years which continued into this one.

I look forward to what 2023 will bring. I feel like I’ve surrendered (just like Bono in his autobiography) to what the world has in store for me as I follow my path. Maybe that’s my feeling going into the new year, “surrender”. Let things happen. See where the path takes me. My sisters favourite song was “Kay Sera Sera (whatever will be will be)”. I’ve just now decided that is my theme song tonight as we celebrate the new year; which, by the way, will happen around 10:00 because that’s as late as I can stay up!

All the best to you as we close out this year. Be safe. Have fun. Kay Sera Sera, my friends!