No Mud, No Lotus…

No Mud, No Lotus

Saturday this popped up on my meditation app; “No mud, no lotus”.  It’s a quote from the recently passed Thich Nhat Hanh.  And it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment before meditation.  It became my mantra while I meditated.

In case you didn’t know, the lotus flower grows from the murky, muddy depths of a body of water.  It pushes through all of the muck and debris to emerge through the water as a beautiful flower floating on top. The lotus flower, in many Eastern cultures, represents rebirth and enlightenment.

My Story…the Mud

I want to share my story and why I needed to hear that.  Sharing stories is how we realize we are not alone in what we are going through; our collective life experiences.  When we share stories we support each other, we learn and we grow.  Just like a lotus flower.  Oprah’s whole career has been based on the sharing of stories and the good that has come out of doing so.  We are not alone.  We can do hard things.

I’ve had a trying (to say the least) thirteen months.  It started with some issues at work. These issues escalated to the point that I started to look for another job and fell into what I now look back to see as a bout of mild depression.  I felt unappreciated, unsupported, and disrespected.

I have an ongoing lawsuit and, right in the middle of all those other issues, ended up having my discoveries.  Not a pleasant experience having lawyers try to attack your integrity.  Then we got called back into the workplace early when no one else was going back, which I didn’t agree with.  And then we had a cyberattack and lost enough data that I spent about 300 hours reconstructing the lost data to get us back up and running which delayed the work that I would normally be doing during this time and pushed it into 2022. I just finished that work on Thursday.

And then I was told that a review is being done to determine if they can save money by eliminating my department. That was a bit of a gut punch.

My husband is my best friend and my rock. He’s struggling with PTSD so he gets what I’ve been going through.  He supports all that I do and encourages my development, the classes I teach, and the workshops I create because he sees it helps me and it helps others. It helps him too because he’s often my guinea pig. However, that means I’m quite busy. So, I’m very aware of work/life balance and I want to ensure that I’m able to support and encourage him also.

Whew. That’s a lot of mud to push through.

Managing Stress…

Needless to say, I’m am so very grateful for the tools I have to manage stress.  Some days it was hard. I didn’t want to get off the couch.  I didn’t want to get out of bed. I had a whole weekend last winter that I just watched Food TV and did nothing else.

But I found that even the smallest act of self-care made me feel empowered and a little bit stronger.  I’ve always exercised every day and am used to hard, pretty tough workouts.  But during this time I started to listen to my (slightly broken) body and changed things up to be more efficient yet more compassionate to myself.  I used my Yoga Shred certification and my knowledge about shorter duration and slightly more intense workouts (such as micro workouts) to make better use of my time and get a better result than an hour long sweat session.  I started to add more stretching (yep, even on top of the yoga I teach) and on days when I really need to just rest, I do restorative yoga.  I walk as much as I can, even if it’s just to the mailbox around the corner.  Nature soothes me.

I rediscovered listening to music while I work and look forward to Spotify’s new music releases on Fridays curated just for my own listening preferences.  I dove into podcasts to hear other people’s stories and I’ve learned so much that I’ve been able to use myself or share with others.

I make sure I continue to eat well and stay hydrated but I treat myself when I decide to; that’s my choice and I carry no guilt about eating a piece of lemon meringue pie once in awhile.  I found mindful activities and make sure I do them even a few minutes a day.  I talk to people who support me and try to spend time with friends, which is tough during a pandemic; funny texts are my favourite thing to get!

And then I wrote a book about all of these keystone acts of self-care because I know for sure that so many people are struggling also. For me, that was a very cathartic and rewarding experience.  If you’ve downloaded and read my eBook I hope it helped you; even just one simple nugget.

I look back on these last thirteen months and know I’d be in a much different place if I hadn’t taken care of myself by eating well, taking care of my physical and mental strength, and taking even just one minute to do something for me: a deep breath, a short mediation, or a short walk.

I had the potential to go to a very dark place.  I had glimpses of dark places and days that were darker than others.  My husband calls that walking through oatmeal.

The Lotus emerges…

Last Thursday I felt a weight finally lift from my shoulders.  I sighed and had a little cry.  The next day was my 20 year work anniversary.  I came home, did a Yoga HIIT workout, and then treated my self to some much needed rest – I read my book and drank tea and then did 30 minutes of restorative yoga.  I had a moment during one of the restorative yoga positions where the dam broke.  I sobbed.  Ugly cry. Purging cry. I let the last thirteen months go.  I let go of worrying about what was to come because I know I’m strong and I can get through the mud.  I emerged a beautiful lotus as I lie there.  Radiant and alive with my face lifted to the sun.

These last few days I feel like myself again.  I don’t know what exactly happened in that moment but I see it as the lotus flower emerging from the depths of the water. That quote made perfect sense: no mud, no lotus.  I am moving forward with so many thoughts, ideas, and skills I can share with others to help them get through the mud too.

I share my story so we don’t feel alone.  We all have stuff going on, we all have dark times.  I want to help people find the tools they need to keep going; to push through the mud.

We are all in this together.  No mud, no lotus.  You are the lotus.