Surviving the Season: Part 1 Why Winter Feels so Damn Heavy

I decided to write this blog series after my husband started grumbling—already—about holiday commercials, movies, and commitments. So I asked him, “Okay, what is it about this season that you don’t like?” And he proceeded to verbally vomit everything. The whole time I was thinking, “Holy crap… how many people feel this way?”

Spoiler: a lot.

I don’t exactly love the holiday season either. I don’t even practice the faith attached to it. It drives me nuts watching people run themselves ragged without ever asking why they’re doing these things, or whether any of it actually brings them joy. But I do like the ambiance—the lights, the cozy evenings, the baking I only do because winter hands me the time. And I’ll admit… I’ll probably watch one or two holiday movies by myself.

But winter? I’m not a fan. I used to be. I think. At least I remember skiing and skating and enjoying it once upon a time. Now? I hate being cold, I hate wearing a thousand layers, I hate the wind, and I hate worrying about slipping and breaking something. I also don’t do well without natural light. I’ve basically self-diagnosed myself with seasonal affective disorder and haul out my therapy lamp every December. For me, winter is hibernation season—time to watch things I don’t normally watch and do crafts I don’t normally make space for.

Then I started reading Richard Paul Evans’ new book, The Christmas Stranger (one of my favourite authors, by the way). It opens with two characters who lost loved ones around the holidays and now feel nothing but sadness and grief this time of year.

And suddenly it hit me: maybe my husband is onto something. Maybe this season truly is hard for a ton of people—especially those of us already living with mental health challenges.

So I went digging.

The American Psychological Association reports that 89% of adults feel more stressed during the holidays—thanks to money pressures, family dynamics, gatherings, expectations, and time demands. And 64% of people with a mental health condition say the holidays make it worse.
Huh.

When I talked to my husband again, he said he struggles with the dark days, routine changes, the “perfect family” trope in every holiday movie, the pressure to find gifts, the commercialism, and the loss of any real spiritual or magical meaning. I’d add fear of breaking tradition (seriously—why are we still doing half these things?) and the competitive nature of it all.

The Dark Time

Let’s start with the obvious: It’s dark. It’s grey. It’s cold.
Your body feels it.

With fewer daylight hours—and often no sun even during the “day”—your circadian rhythm gets disrupted. This slow, heavy, low-energy feeling you have? Completely normal. Your nervous system is trying to recalibrate.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is real. According to the Mayo Clinic, SAD is a depression pattern tied to lack of natural light, which messes with serotonin, melatonin, and your body’s internal clock. Many of us feel it even if we don’t have a formal diagnosis.

The Pressure Cooker

Then mid-November hits, and suddenly we’re buried under ads telling us to shop, shop, shop. Find the perfect gift. Don’t forget anyone. Be thoughtful. Be generous. Be magical.

And meanwhile… mortgages, car payments, groceries, utilities, and life still need paying.

On top of that, there are the traditions. The baking people expect. The alcohol people expect. The wrapping. The cards. The cheer. The “favourite” cookies, the “famous” homemade treat, the perfectly wrapped gifts, the visit to the person you haven’t seen in eight years.

It’s ridiculous.
It’s competition disguised as kindness.
And half the time, we are the ones putting the pressure on ourselves.

I’ve said before: if you stop doing one of these “required” things, someone might notice—but most won’t. And if someone gives you grief? Tell them the truth: you didn’t have the capacity this year. Or tell them to go ahead and do it themselves. Or, if it’s really necessary… kindly tell them to f*ck off. Your choice.

Routine Disruption

Humans are routine creatures. We function best when our minds and bodies know what to expect.

But December flips everything:

• Extra lunches and dinners we feel obligated to attend

• Mandatory family gatherings

• Parties we’re expected to show up for

• Less control over food, sleep, and downtime

• Colder weather that kills movement routines

• Fitness classes shifting or cancelling

All of this throws our nervous system out of whack.

And while connection is healthy, forced connection—with people we don’t always vibe with—quickly becomes draining.

The Mask We Wear

There’s also the pressure to appear joyful, grateful, festive. No one wants to look like the Grinch, or the person who “hates Christmas.” My husband says he also feels judged at gatherings—people assume that because he has PTSD, he’ll be depressed, withdrawn, or absent.

People with PTSD are just people.
They adjust their activities to honour their nervous system.
They don’t need assumptions—they need you to ask.

This is one of the things that keeps stigma going. We aren’t crazy. We’re just a little unwell.
(I channelled Rob Thomas for that one.)

Money: The Big One

As an accountant, I have to say it: going into debt for the holidays is absurd. If this stresses you out—please, seek financial counselling or make a budget. And ask yourself why gifting has become more important than stability, peace, or your future.

A friend told me they asked their niece to name three gifts she got last Christmas. She couldn’t name a single one. But she instantly rattled off her favourite moments spent with her aunt this year.

The memory lasted.
The gifts didn’t.

Years ago, my family stopped buying presents for adults. We shifted to experiences—food, walks, visits to small towns, shows, games. As we age, time with one another becomes far more meaningful than money spent on one another.

You’re Not Alone

If winter feels heavy to you, you’re not imagining it. Between the darkness, the pressure, the expectations, the disruptions, and the emotional demands, this season can feel like a lot.

And that’s okay.

“No, thank you” is a complete sentence.
We’ll talk boundaries in another post.

For now, I just want you to know: it’s normal to feel this way. And you’re not alone.

Two Coping Skills to Help You Through the Season

(Adapted from my book, F*ck You PTSD — which, by the way, is for way more than PTSD.)

1. Grounding – Five Senses Check-In

A fast nervous-system reset when the winter heaviness hits.

Sit, stand, or lie down—whatever works.

Notice:

5 things you can SEE
4 things you can FEEL
3 things you can HEAR
2 things you can SMELL
1 thing you can TASTE

If your mouth waters? Good. That means your parasympathetic system (your calm state) just kicked on.

2. Ocean Breath

A warming, calming breath that slows your mind and softens anxiety.

In yoga it’s called ujjayi (oo-jai), also known as the “Darth Vader breath.”

Try this:

• Take a deep breath in.

• Place your hand in front of your nose like you’re holding a mirror.

• As you exhale (through your nose), create a gentle whisper sound in the back of your throat and imagine that you are fogging up the mirror. You’ll sound a little like Darth Vader.

It should be audible, but only to the person beside you.