Surviving the Season: Part 3 Finding Meaning and Purpose During the Holidays

This time of year can evoke a wide range of emotions—joy, wonder, camaraderie, nostalgia… but also grief, stress, irritation, guilt, and overwhelm. That’s exactly why I started this blog series: to dig into these very real experiences and offer practical coping skills to help you survive the season with your sanity (and maybe even a little peace) intact.

To be clear, I don’t dislike the holidays. I love many elements—the ambiance, the coziness, the connection, the special meals, the little rituals that feel warm and familiar. But I’ve also learned I have to honour what feels meaningful to me and my family, adjust my expectations, and set boundaries. Once I did that, the holidays shifted from “heavy and stressful” to “actually enjoyable again.”

Not everyone has that experience. I talk to so many people who carry a massive emotional load this time of year. So today, we’re diving into a surprisingly powerful strategy for reducing holiday stress: finding purpose and meaning.

WHY HUMANS INVENTED THE HOLIDAYS (AND WHY IT STILL MATTERS)

Holidays didn’t appear out of nowhere. Humans created holidays for practical, emotional, and cultural reasons—many of which still apply today.

Traditionally, holidays were:

• – Markers of seasonal change
• – Celebrations of harvest, light, survival, community, and ancestors
• – Times to pass down beliefs, values, and shared identity
• – Moments to strengthen social bonds because community meant survival

They were never meant to be pressure-filled, guilt-driven, or stressful.  They were meant to connect us, anchor us, regulate us, and help us feel part of something bigger.

So, think for a moment: Why do you celebrate the holidays you celebrate? Where did the meaning come from? What does it symbolize for you—not your parents, not society, YOU?

Take a second if you need it. I’ll wait…

BUT WHY DO SO MANY OF US FEEL DISCONNECTED?

One major stressor during the holidays—beyond expectations—is that many people are celebrating holidays they have no real connection to.

I once knew someone who thought Good Friday was a holiday because it was a “good Friday to take off.” No meaning. No purpose. Just a long weekend.

When we participate in traditions without understanding their WHY, they feel hollow, draining, or even irritating.

This is where Simon Sinek’s concept from Start With Why comes in. Yes, it’s a business book—but the idea applies to life: People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it. Purpose fuels meaning. Meaning fuels resilience.

Companies like Apple, Nike, Google, Disney, Ikea, and Southwest Airlines have crystal-clear whys. Their purpose shapes their values, decisions, and evolution. Apple’s “why”? To make technology simple and accessible. That purpose drove them from home computers… to the iPod… to the iPhone… to completely reshaping the digital world.

Our lives work the same way. When you understand why you’re doing something, the what becomes easier—more aligned, less stressful. If something feels “off,” “icky,” or draining, it’s often because your WHAT (your behaviour) no longer matches your WHY (your values, needs, and truth).

THE BIOLOGY OF WHY (YOUR BRAIN CARES MORE THAN YOU THINK)

Your brain is wired to care about meaning.

The limbic system—the emotional, instinctive part of your brain—handles meaning, intuition, connection, and trust. Your neocortex—the logical, planning part—manages decision-making.

Your WHY lives in the limbic system.

Your WHAT lives in the neocortex.

When they match, your nervous system relaxes. Things feel right. There’s alignment.

When they don’t?

Your nervous system sends a distress signal:

• – irritation
• – overwhelm
• – resentment
• – avoidance
• – anxiety
• – shutdown

Even if you can’t quite explain why.

So ask yourself:  Why do you celebrate? Does your WHY match your WHAT? If not, that misalignment is a major source of holiday stress.

OUTGROWING OLD TRADITIONS

We all grew up with certain expectations and traditions. Some were wonderful. Some were stressful even back then. And then we grew up. Life happened. We changed. We learned. Our mental health shifted. We gained new people and lost others. Our values evolved.

It makes perfect sense that our holiday traditions would evolve too.

So ask yourself:  Does what I’m doing still align with who I am? Does it match my values? My needs? My current season of life?

When your WHY has changed but your WHAT has not, your nervous system feels unsettled. That “off” feeling is a biological red flag saying: “Something here no longer fits.” Re-evaluating traditions isn’t selfish—it’s self-awareness.

FAMILIES CAN BE… TRICKY

Let’s be honest. Family is often the hardest part of the holidays.

If you carry guilt, people-pleasing tendencies, conflict avoidance, or past trauma, navigating family expectations can feel impossible. But there *are* healthy ways through.

Here are three important truths:

1. If you do not feel emotionally or physically safe, you do NOT have to go. You’re an adult. You’re allowed to protect your wellbeing. And yes, you may feel guilt—but guilt is not the same as wrongdoing.
2. You are not obligated to uphold a tradition that harms your mental health. Your family may be disappointed, but disappointment is survivable for everyone. Your collapse is not.
3. You can love your family deeply and still set boundaries. Sometimes boundaries preserve connection.

If connection is important to you, try:

• – spending time only with safe family members
• – shortening the duration
• – changing the location
• – creating a “chosen family” of supportive people
• – modifying traditions instead of abandoning them entirely
• – alternating years or merging traditions
• – replacing outdated rituals with meaningful ones
• – opting out with compassion and clarity

If family conversations or dynamics feel overwhelming, a therapist can help you strategize, script, and set firm boundaries.

BUILDING YOUR OWN VERSION OF THE HOLIDAYS

Once you reconnect with your WHY—your purpose, values, and meaning—you may naturally start building your own version of holiday celebrating (or not celebrating).

In my book, I talk about rituals. Rituals act like anchors.

They signal to your nervous system:

• – You’re safe
• – You know what’s coming
• – You can relax
• – You’re in control

Rituals also give actions meaning. And importantly, rituals can evolve.

Think about how funeral rituals have changed: We always used to have public funerals. Now we see private gatherings, or celebrations of life or even living funerals. Each one honours connection and meaning, just in different forms.

Likewise, your holiday rituals can evolve. When you create rituals intentionally—based on your values, your capacity, your current reality—something powerful happens:

• – your nervous system calms
• – your cognitive load drops
• – you feel more in control
• – your emotions feel anchored
• – traditions become choices, not obligations

This is how holidays become manageable, even enjoyable.

COPING STRATEGIES FROM MY BOOK TO HELP YOU FIND PURPOSE AND MEANING

Here are two relevant tools to help you move through this season with intention, clarity, and self-respect.

1. Finding Purpose. This doesn’t need to be a massive life purpose exploration. It can be small and specific:

– What’s the purpose of this season for me?

– What’s the purpose of this tradition?

– What’s the purpose of this gathering?

– What’s the purpose of this moment or this hour?

 

Purpose creates meaning.

Meaning reduces stress.

Stress drops when we feel connected to what we’re doing.

To dig deeper, try journaling on these prompts:

 

– Why am I doing this?

– What parts of the holidays actually matter to me?

– What kind of meaning do I want to create or reclaim?

– What 3 things still hold meaning for me this season?

– What 3 things am I done pretending to care about?

 

Purpose brings clarity. And clarity is one of the most powerful stress reducers we have.

2. Rituals and Ceremonies. Create rituals that reflect your WHY, your values, your purpose, and your current emotional needs.

Here are some ideas:

– Spend more time outside to feel grounded

– Create family activities that reflect your values (hiking, crafting, cooking, volunteering)

– If you’re grieving, honour it—light a candle, cook their favourite meal, make a toast, create a memory ritual

– Mark the beginning and end of the season intentionally (a poem, a special decoration, a moment of reflection)

– Let yourself feel your emotions instead of suppressing them—journal, talk to a therapist, confide in a trusted friend, speak with faith or spiritual supports

 

Small rituals build psychological safety.

They help you feel rooted even when your holidays look totally different from years past.

LET PURPOSE AND MEANING BE YOUR ANCHOR THIS SEASON

The holidays were created in another time, for another world. The traditions we inherited were meaningful then. But we’re not meant to live stuck in the past—emotionally, biologically, or culturally.

If your holidays feel stressful, overwhelming, disconnected, or hollow, that’s not a failure.

It’s information. It’s your nervous system whispering:  “Something here needs to change.”

Let purpose and meaning guide you.

Let your WHY shape your WHAT.

Let your traditions evolve.

Let yourself feel what you feel without judgment.

Let this season be something that supports your wellbeing, not drains it.

 

Because when your actions align with your values, your body feels safer.

Your stress drops.

Your emotions settle.

And the holidays—finally—start to feel like yours again.

Finding purpose and meaning won’t magically erase every challenge, but it can help you survive the season with more ease, clarity, and emotional grounding.

 

And maybe even a little joy.

On your terms.